Make the Yuletide Gay
by Rose from the Dark
Summary: "It will be funny because we aren't actually gay!" And then Bakura had just stared some more, wondering why he had ever partnered up in this so obviously-in-denial-about-his-sexuality dude-that-looks-like-a-chick... Thiefshipping Christmas One-shot!


**Merry Christmas, CrimsonEyes27!** I hope you like your present! And thank you for mine, which just happens to be** Thiefshipping fanart for this story**! This is the URL for the actual picture: **mydearassassin(dot)deviantart(dot)com/#/d4k2hg2** (just replace the 'dots'). But since this site doesn't like links in stories, I put the link to CrimsonEyes27's DeviantArt alias, **MyDearAssassin**, in my profile. Go check it out :)

I've been re-watching a lot of YGOTAS lately and basically heard LittleKuriboh's voice in my head as I wrote this, I hope you guys do too XD

That being said, Kazuki Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh and LittleKuriboh owns the Abridged Series, I merely own the plot of this random Christmas adventure.

So without further ado...**  
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><p><strong>Make the Yuletide Gay<strong>

"No."

"But Bakura!"

"Marik, I said no."

Bakura glared levelly at Marik, knowing full well that he had to be stern with the other boy. Marik was like a puppy – feed it scraps from the table once it would expect more. Cosplay as a slutty reindeer to his sluttier Santa Claus once, he'll expect it the next year and the year after that and every year for all the bloody millennia to come.

"You can't show up to the Christmas party like that! We'll lose the Holiday costume contest for sure!" whined Marik, dropping the hand holding Bakura's skimpy outfit to his side, revealing his own midriff-baring costume. "Plus I'll look ridiculous if I show up like this alone!"

Bakura didn't feel it necessary to point out that Marik would look ridiculous showing up in that regardless of whether Bakura showed up with him. He wore tight red leather pants tucked into black boots trimmed with white fur. His torso was scantily covered by a sleeveless red vest, trimmed with fur to match the boots. A red hat sat haphazardly upon his golden locks – which incidentally matched the golden jewelry he refused to take off.

The overall effect was, of course, hilarious and, although Bakura would never admit it, extremely hot.

Marik's inspiration for the costume had come from his love of Christmas Carols. "Our costumes' theme, Bakura," Marik had begun in a business-like manner as "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" blared annoyingly loudly over the radio, "will be 'Make the Yuletide Gay'!"

Bakura had just stared until he explained, "It will be funny because we _aren't actually gay_."

And then Bakura had just stared some more, wondering why he had ever partnered up in this so obviously-in-denial-about-his-sexuality dude-that-looks-like-a-chick. He was pretty sure Marik was the _only_ one that didn't know he was gay. Most people pegged Bakura as gay too, that is until he threatened them with a machete – then the insinuations usually stopped.

It wasn't that Bakura wasn't gay. It was just that he wasn't picky – it was hard to be when you spent Ra knows how many millennia trapped inside a freakin' ring. When he found Marik, relatively evil and extremely hot, he had figured why not team up with him?

Bakura was suddenly not so confident in his decision.

"I don't care about your bloody Christmas party, Marik," said Bakura, "Or your bloody costume contest."

"It's not _my_ costume contest," cut in Marik, "It's the Pharaoh's. _And_ if you don't come, he'll win again. Just like last year."

Bakura scowled at the memory. He had refused to dress up, but he had been present to watch his nemesis, the Pharaoh win for his one-man rendition of the _Nutcracker Suite_. He really did look damn good in that tutu though…

He shook his head as he tuned back in to what Marik was saying, "… and are you really going to let him beat you _again_?"

This struck a nerve in Bakura. He remembered very well all those children's card games in which the Pharaoh had beaten him. _Every freakin' time…_

It was with a red haze of anger that Bakura, completely ignoring whatever lame argument Marik was making now, reached out and grabbed the skimpy reindeer outfit out of the Egyptian's hand. He wheeled around and marched to the bathroom to change before Marik could make some stupidly snide comment, muttering under his breath, "I am _so _going to regret this."

**o-o-o**

"You have to act happier!" yelled Marik as Bakura scowled at himself in the mirror, "Nobody likes an unhappy reindeer."

"How the bloody hell does this outfit make me a reindeer?" snapped Bakura, whirling on Marik and tugging at the tight brown fabric stretched over his torso, before turning back towards the mirror.

Of course Marik had barged into the bathroom without waiting to find out whether or not Bakura had finished changing so he had had no time to change his mind and get this bloody costume off and then tear it to shreds and then burn the shreds…

Bakura did not approve of the light, brown, leather pants that allowed for no movement whatsoever or the darker brown _leg warmers_ that the pant legs were tucked in to. His shirt consisted of tight spandex that fortunately covered his midriff but left his arms and shoulders bare. And he didn't even want to look at the plush antlers settled in his white hair.

"You look great!" cried Marik, ignoring Bakura's comment, and flinging his arms around the paler teen, "We are totally going to kick the Pharaoh's tan butt back to Egypt!"

Bakura, who was blushing slightly at the fact that a very bare Marik was currently pressing his body to Bakura and was not at all fond of blushing, took the opportunity to turn Marik's words against him very quickly.

"Oh so you've seen the Pharaoh's ass, have you? Can't say I'm surprised Slutty Claus."

Marik yelped indignantly, dropping the hug. "I have not!" he cried before adding contemplatively, "Slutty Claus, I like that. We need one for you too… Rudolph the Red-Light Reindeer maybe…"

He trailed off as he got a look at the death glare Bakura was giving him and quickly changed the subject with a nervous laugh. "How about I go ready our sleigh…" he said and dashed out of the room.

Bakura prayed that the Gods would smite whoever wrote that damn song. Or maybe Bakura would just go do it himself. After he smote Marik, of course.

**o-o-o**

"I c-c-can't believe you thought it'd b-b-be a good idea to r-r-ride your motorcycle through a b-b-bloody _snowstorm_!" snapped Bakura through chattering teeth.

"It's not a motorcycle, it's Santa's sleigh," corrected Marik over his shoulder to Bakura. He had to yell over the sound of the frigid winter air whipping past them as they sped down the icy road. It was a wonder they didn't skid and crash…

Bakura apparently thought too soon.

"Holy Frick!" he heard Marik yell moments before the motorcycle swerved wildly to the side. Marik yanked at the handlebars as Bakura, throwing all vestiges of dignity aside, gripped Marik tightly around the waist, closed his eyes and pressed his face into the Egyptian's shoulder with the surprisingly coherent thought of _I can't believe I'm going to die dressed as a bloody slutty reindeer_, running through his head.

And then came the first impact. Marik and Bakura were thrown into the air as the bike crashed into the snow bank lining the road. The second impact was not nearly as bad as Bakura had expected. His thoughts were only a little fuzzy as he emerged from a deep pile of fluffy white snow. (He knew that his thoughts were still a little fuzzy as no self-respecting villain would _ever _think the word _fluffy_… at least he hadn't said it aloud).

"Good thing this fluffy snow pile was here to save us," said Marik, tone annoyingly chipper for having faced a near death experience. It was not lost on Bakura that Marik had, in fact, used the word fluffy, although admittedly he couldn't be sure if Marik could really be classified as a villain.

"Bakura, look!" yelled Marik who had excavated himself from the snow only to collapse again on a fresh patch, "It's a snow angel!" Bakura rested his case. Marik was about as threatening as his hikari (whose favorite card happened to feature an angel) and Ryou was about the least threatening thing to walk this Earth before Bakura took over his body.

"Look," called Marik again, happily, "Now it's smiling." Bakura glanced over to see that Marik had drawn a smiley face in the indented snow of his angel. Okay maybe the Egyptian was _less_ threatening than Ryou.

"Marik, stop playing and come help me find your… bike." Bakura had found Marik's bike fairly easily actually. Or, at least Bakura assumed the mangled mass of metal stuck into the snow bank had at one point in time had been the Egyptian's treasured ride.

"My sleigh!" cried Marik coming up behind Bakura, who whirled on him and snapped:

"How the bloody hell are we supposed to get home?"

"We don't need to go home," said Marik, who was staring off at some point across the street, "I think we've found the North Pole!" he finished excitedly, grabbing Bakura by the arm and dragging him across the street.

Bakura resisted the urge to hit his face with his palm as he laid his eyes on the pole wrapped in red and white fabric like a candy cane. _Marik's North Pole_.

"And that must be where the Elves live!" added the Egyptian excitedly pointing to a house in the distance. "They must have caused our crash. It's like they knew Santa Claus was coming home!"

Bakura squinted into the darkness and as they approached he could just barely make out the name on the door: "Domino Orphanage."

_Merry Christmas kids, from Slutty Claus and Rudolph the Red-light Reindeer_, thought Bakura gleefully. Maybe this Christmas would turn out better than he thought…

**o-o-o**

"Thank God you're finally here…" said the lady that ushered them in when they knocked on the door. Her sentenced had started noticeably more chipper than it had ended, which, Bakura, assumed had something to do with their outfits – or lack thereof.

"Yes, we have returned home to the North Pole at last – all the way from Japan," said Marik either confidently or obliviously. Probably both. "I heard that there were elves here. Where are the elves?"

The lady laughed nervously. "Already in character… I'm sure the kids will love that. They're waiting for you in this room." She led the pair through a hallway.

"Splendid!" cried Marik. Bakura kept quiet, fully content to watch Marik make a fool out of himself. It happened to be his favorite hobby and it almost made the stupid outfit worth it.

Marik, without waiting for any further instruction barged into the room with the kids – who sat facing the door, on the floor. "Greetings my elves!" cried Marik upon entering the room. Bakura followed a little ways behind, watching. And then he added glancing at Bakura, "Ra, they're short. Why the frick did I think elves would be a good idea? I mean, I bet they can't even reach the door handle, let alone an assembly line. How I am I supposed to build my empire with these?"

Marik finished dramatically and Bakura decided to humor him. Plus, he was curious as to whether the vein protruding from the lady's head would actually pop if he kept their act going. Bakura shrugged at the Egyptian and said casually, "They can't escape if they can't open the doors. You'll save a ton on locks."

Marik visibly brightened at this and opened his mouth to allow something else (probably equally as idiotic) to escape his lips but some kid beat him too it.

"We're not elves, we're kids!" cried the child.

"What the frick?" said Marik turning towards the kids, "This is the worst trip to the North Pole _ever_."

"Don't you live there?" piped one kid. And before Marik could finish saying "No," another one asked "What's it like there?"

"Frickin' awful! There's not even any elves, _apparently_," he said, crossing his arms over his chest moodily and for a moment Bakura wondered how hard Marik actually hit his head.

He got over his wonder quickly as another kid asked loudly, "Why is your reindeer British?" His host body's accent was always a bit of a touchy spot. He disliked the weakness and the ambiguity of gender it caused.

So naturally it made him want to tear out the child's intestines and hang the kid with them. But before Bakura could act on any of these desires he heard Marik say matter-of-factly, "He's not British, he's just gay."

And suddenly Bakura had two targets for his rage. Although being the self-gratifying, evil, criminal mastermind that he was, Bakura quickly worked out a plan to get back at Marik and scar the kid for life. A win-win-win, really, in that some suppressed urge deep within him had really been _wanting_ to jump Marik all night. He couldn't really deny that although an idiot, _Slutty Claus was hot_…

Bakura grabbed Marik's arm and twisted it so that with a pained yell of "What the frick, Red-Ligh…?" he turned towards the paler teen, but he trailed off with a gulp to find Bakura's face so close to his. And then he gasped as Bakura closed the gap – which suited Bakura perfectly well, all the easier to slide his tongue into Marik's mouth.

The elicited moans were nearly as satisfying as the disgusted "_ews_" emitting from the audience, although he could have sworn he heard a few squeals thrown in there too. _Bloody Fangirls_, thought Bakura sourly, but he didn't let it ruin his mood too much. It was Christmas, after all.

The enraged look on the orphanage owner's face and the screech that he was sure only dogs, and perhaps Yugi's mutt friend, Joey, could hear that their little display elicited from her was far better than any Christmas present Bakura could ever hope to receive.

Well, the flush on Marik's face was pretty good too. But virginity was something Bakura more preferred to _take_ rather than be given.

He was still smirking as the lady practically forced the pair out of the orphanage.

"Stupid elves!" yelled Marik as the door was slammed in their faces, "You're all fired!" He huffed loudly and turned back to Bakura, who was eyeing him with a look of relative ferocity. Marik blushed and looked away.

Yes, Bakura would most definitely be getting what he wanted this Christmas. And for the first time possibly ever, Marik was right. This Yuletide was definitely going to be gay, if Bakura had any say in it.

And he always did.

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><p><strong>Merry Christmas Everyone!<strong>

**- Rose**


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